If u ever read it ...

The more that I try, I fail miserably. Whatever I do I'm not able to understand you. One day I think that I know you through and through and the very next moment you seem to be a total mystery. I've cherished it when you said "I'm like you!", but I'm sure that I'm not such a complex personality. Yes, I love you. Sometimes, I feel like you know that, it shows in your smile and in the way you look at me when you are surrounded by your friends. But, at times it seems like you never knew me, or that I never knew you!

A number of times I try to talk to you, try to make little, harmless conversations, stupid conversations. But, I'm not good at conversations, its you who's king of words that hurt, words that smite, words that seem to become part of my personality, words that I want to listen to again and again ... but, you never speak now! I mean your eyes are so silent these days. The words that you say to me are so hollow, the feeling so empty.

I can't think of a reason why you are so dear to me, 'coz I do not know what is between us. I miss you when we don't meet, and I get irritated when we do. This is wierd, I know. But, those times that we fight are impinged in my memory as moments which mean to me the most. Maybe, we are just two totally differently people who are somehow together. I'm a social disaster while you are admired in all places, I'm an indoor stupid guy while you are an outgoing brilliance. But, one thing is common, both of us are headstrong, both of us think that we are clever and both of us hate to make the first move. Yet, when I'm looking for a passionate heart and a patient ear for my feelings I always think of you! I love it when you talk and love it when you listen. And best of all is when we just sit together, say nothing, just sit and do nothing. At those times there are no expectations, no arguments, no doubts just honest warmth of your touch and the assurance that you'll never leave me. But, now I'm lonely and sad.

Of luck and its ways ...

well, i've never had that feeling that luck was not on my side!!! all i did got its proper rewards and i never complained. but, lately (from last night to be specific) i've lost all my charms, all i'm planning to do is turning out to be a disaster!
I tried booking the tickets for my journey and the train(which is the most important one on its route) got cancelled. I ordered my fav stuff in the food joint and it got over right then... loads of other examples tell me that i've lost all my luck now ... God is the only saviour now ... I've watched just my luck almost 25 times now; could this all be its effect ??? I'm confused and defeated...

Diwali "gifts"

Happy Diwali to all my wellwishers!

It is a very miserable condition that I'm in right

now. I'm sure that all of you have at some point of time in your life, been in the miserable condition

that I'm in these days. I'm surrrounded by people who forget to return things and I have a very bad

memory! It's not that those people take away things with immoral intentions; all are angels in the

true sense, but it's me who needs a better memory.

Recently, I have discovered that there are

infact a lot of stuff that has gone missing from my possession; stuff that I gave away myself to

people in need and now when I'm in need both partys involved in the transaction have forgotten

it.

The things that I do remember, I list down here, in chronological order of them being taken

away from me-

• CD R/W (taken along with a movie; neither have come back)


• LAN wire (5m in length; I borrowed it from a friend myself)


• Permanent marker (blue ink)


• BOOKS




1. The city of falling angels


2. Illusions


3. Blink


4. Animal Farm


5. The life of Pie




• Umbrella (of a rather offensive color)

HANDICAP !!!

I got ready for a function. Put on a very decent attire, which usually is missing in my outlook. Sat down to eat in the mess. A gentleman was seated beside me. I was absorbed in the mental preparation of my speech when he suddenly decided to get up. I normally don't eat much before I go on to the stage. This gentleman realised this fact that I was not being fair with my appetite and decided to help me out with it. In his hurry, he sprinkled my neat self with the leftovers on his plate. I tried to dodge this shower of kindness in matrix style but could not save myself. Now, this polite and concerned man took time out of his busy schedule and acctually said sorry. What more could I say ? While I was still bemused as to how this angel had said sorry for such a petty thing, like some heavenly wonder that he was, he disappeared.

This is not an isolated event. I have many such angels around me ! People who like to empty the whole can of milk for themselves, those who fight over a couple of bananas or a cup of ice-cream. How can I ever tell them that what they are doing may be divine for their souls but is a snob on the face of the entire society and is as inhuman as farting can be when they are waiting in a movie theatre for their favorite star.

Such people are handicaps! Much like a blind must not be called a blind, such people should not be called handicaps. Moreover, if it is a physical handicap we may aid the person by prosthetic means but such mental handicaps should not even be insulted lest they become desolate and sink down finding out how miserable a being they are!!!

Of banans and dying men ...

I'm stuffing myself up with bananas that Nikhil refuses to have. I just want to get over with them because its adding to my overloaded self (shopping can be a very hectic job). The dead man on the footpath is just a passing thought. He died of hunger we argued. How foolish, he could beg, borrow or do just about anything to save his life! But, he preferred to die!

The bananas are still tasting sweet and filling, as they always do. I'm not GAUTAMA. I'm not selfish but i'm not a saint !!! When I do find time to look at the situation, I'm baffled at my own sardonic stance at the dead-man-on-the-street. I watched eagerly when the policeman jabbed his 'danda' at the face of the fly ridden face of the man who dared to die in his area of patrol. Had he an iota of life clinging on to his tattered body, it was clearly driven out by this 'polite action of this caring policeman'. Now, one would never expect a policeman to touch the nerves of this carcass with a tender touch of a nurse. No, I dont want the policemen to be such tender in their actions, I just want them to be HUMANE. Is it such a big ask? Perhaps the whole system needs an overhaul. How about having a Fisrt-Aid training program for the policemen to start with ???

KALAM visiting SASTRA

On Sunday, 24th September '06, Honourable President of India is visiting the SASTRA Deemed University, Thanjavur campus. HE will interact with the students and flag off a number of new courses in the University.

The American Me !

I was having my favorite chocolate ice-cream when an insect crawled onto the back of my neck and in an amusingly curious way took a bite of my tanned cervix as I digged into the frozen ice-cream.

Then and there my long held belief regarding those 'harmless' creatures underwent a metamorphosis and the truth that came out of it was startling! What happened to the insect is stuff that must be discussed in horror shows and biology classes, but what happened to me should be discussed here. I deliberately started rubbing the bite spot and caused it to become so sore that I could write about it and give my hands and minds occupation and people a reason to hate all insects!

I commit no crime rather I have created what is know to the world as "acquaintance with the issues of importance". I have made people like you realize that tiny insects can be associated with such big phenomenon that can make talk of an informed society!

I LOVE YOU Mr.BUSH !

SASTRA WINS !

The SASTRA, Deemed University raised the standards in FESTEMBER 2006 and won the event with a huge margin over other participating colleges. The spirit of victory was celebrated with the better team winning from among a host of teams, giving stiff competition in all events. Kumar Varun, SOURAV BHATTACHARYA and POURUSH CHOWDHARY from SASTRA were the star of the event, scoring maximum points for their college.

MUSIC ???

Expectations ran high in the crowd and all became live! The reason was obvious, SILK ROUTE was coming to the town for the first time. Without going into making predictions of how the others felt, let me tell you that I'm an ardent fan of this particular band(read 'their songs') and had high hopes when I bought the tickets (for me and a friend that I draged along with me, who has trouble understanding hindi, so you can well imagine the situation).

As much as I love their songs, I hate them now !They came late and put us through so much trouble that I'll think twice before going to another concert.In place of them we had another band. This group set a new example of it's kind today! Without exagerating let me state the whole affair with saying just this >> The concert hall was emptied saying that the sound system had to be tested (I still can't think why it was not possible to test the sound with people inside!). The people who had all gathered to have a nice evening went through the inconvenience of vacating their seats and moving out of the hall. Now, the anticipated band entered the stage and while the anxious crowd waited outside, they started practicing inside and were loud enough to be heard outside (why in heavens name did I buy the tickets!). A near stampede situation was created near the enterence of the hall, and they were still practicing inside!!! When they were through with all that they had to sing/perform in the show, the gates were thrown open for the public (who were somehow still eager to get inside and hear the same stuff again!).

Thus, frustated and greatly moved by the pathetic condition of our bands of national and local fame, I started moving towards my college and behold, I got music when I least wanted wanted it! Right there in the bus, blaring at my tender, sleepy and thoroughly annoyed ears! Our nation needs basic traning in civic sense!

Even right now when I write this blog, I'm given a treat(ment) of loud and painful music. My friend Nikhil says often, "Music without life is like life without music!" How true, yet how much I want this "life" to stop dead before me right now so that I can do the things that make the life more meaninful in a better way!

TWEAKING THE HUMAN RACE !!!

It can be good to be an animal sometimes! 'coz we all are indeed animals, we eat, sleep, hoard, reproduce and then we die. so wat makes us special ? is it the fact that we are thinking beings or coz we can think that most of us are not capable of thinking like a human at all !!!

I can tell u one thing for sure, we can smile! no animal can smile(i've never heard of any animal smiling). we can feel not just pain and hurt but we can feel happiness, there can be times when we can afford to be happy(like a child), for no reason at all!

But then there are reasons why i feel that i would have been better off as an animal! i could have roamed about the world without clothes and been normal about it ! i could have had the privilage of easing myself at the place and time that i wanted to! i could have made love without making friends or enemies! and i could have been true to myself.

Had i not been a human and a student of engineering i would have loved d idea of being an animal sometimes but not now! i know that i have a responsibility to carry out a crusade to pursue against backwardness and have a zealous work to develop the society that i live in. that's my work as an engineer and engineers are no animals !!!

GANDHI-GEERI !!!

I watched the new release LAGE RAHO MUNNA BHAI last night. The movie was a delight to say the least. The script was illuminated by the new concept which has taken over the Indian masses, that of the power of media.

More than the Gandhiji's influence was the influence of the good-at-heart Munna-Bhai!
But, nevertheless, the movie tries to do something different. It tries to show that the age-old concepts of ahimsa and gandhiwad still hold true and can actually be potent enough to provide a solution to a problem.

The first thing that came to my mind after watching that movie was --> "Is it really possible in the modern world ?" Its been more than 20 hours now and I'm still without an answer!!!

DOWN WITH HYPOCRITES !!!

blogcamp @ Chennai

For the first time in India, the blog community has come up with an event of its kind. It should be a "BLOGGER'S PARADISE", with most of the mainstream bloggers of the Indian arena joining hands to make this occasion count as a success. For more details check out this link more_info

HACKING

Hacking!!! This word has started to become more of a phenomenon now in my college. The moment a student enters the technical institute his thought process is somehow channeled into hacks and intrusions into systems. How exactly that happens and why is stuff to be analysed by experts. But it is driving me crazy!

This is a generation inspired by NEOs of the virtual world. There are many who are trapped inside the virtual world and in fact feel liberated when they soar high in the paradigm of the artificial.

When the efforts of the world are guided towards making the machines think like a human, our fresh generation is engaging into becoming one of the machines.

Color of blood is the same ... crimson ...

The reason that i didn't post any new topic is not that i didn't have anything new to write about, it's actually the other way round! I had so much that couldn't decide on what to write! First, there was this Pondicherry trip which gave me a truck load of stuff to write about and then back in here itself had so much to tell everyone.

I watched a few movies last night. I must admit that the most distressing thing that i've ever wathched was CRASH. This movie juddered my soul!!! For those of you who have not seen it yet(i do recomment it for all), let me give a quick review. The movie talks about how racism and discrimination has got so deep down in our society and our hearts that it's sometimes impossible to do away with it even if you feel it's unfair to judge anyone on the basis of how the mirror reflects their physical being. It talks about the guilt associated with all acts of atrocities on people of dark skin by people of (supposedly)dark instincts!!! It explains how such a discrimination is not just hampering the growth of the dark but also how it is eating into the society of the non-colored.

I happened to read a very good book last week, Freakonomics(by Steven D. Levitt). Of the many things that it talks about(and some pretty freakish indeed), there is also the issue of associating the "black community" with crime in general. Before i start to say anything that makes me the next target of some young-liberalist-with-an-AK 47 let me tell you that i'm a man who respects the power and will of the Almighty and i feel that all mankind(and even the not so 'kind men') have a right to put forth their views and do what their mind and heart tells them to(as long as it does not harm any other life physically or emotionally). I feel that the issue of racism has it's roots in the formation of mankind itself! There are biological reasons to support my views as well. It has been proved that in order to get a better generation the mating partners tend to choose the most healthy organism. There is no doubt that color playes a major role in it, making the choice easier in most of the cases, as it is easy to recognize an unhealthy white person than an unhealthy black (wo)man. This by no means implies that black people are not healthy, in fact most of the atheletes winning gold medals in games are black. It only means that black can sometimes give a deceptive appearence. Regarding the crime rate and it's correlation with any specific color is highly hypothetical and could be misleading as well. This is because the fact remains that the black community still continues to be underprivilaged and thus is more prone to crime(either as a victim or the other way round which is the case most often brough to discussion tables).

I just hope all this ends someday and that day comes fast enough!!! But, on the face of it i feel that it would require not just wars and terror and blood. It would require a deliberate effort on part of every individual to be able to bring about a change in the current society.

Pondicherry...need help !

I'm planing a trip to pondicherry next week. Does anyone have some good suggessions for me. I have already been there 2 more times and have seen all that an outsider usually looks out for. So, this time i need to go and look around for some stuff like places of historical importance or places/people that have been lately forgotten.

I read some special things about pondicherry in a book by Yann Martel, The Life Of Pie, can i do some research over that? Just tell me anything that i can do over there. I'll have ample time and resources.

Friendship day !!!

To all my friends and their friends ... happy friendship day ...

Dreamz!!!

Had a great dream last night! Which also made it quite clear that dreams are totally illogical . I dreamt that i was sailing around India in a special boat(which somehow changed its size depending on my own requirements), and in my voyage i found the route to be discontinous with an obstuction of about 20feet in my way.

Dont know what more to say or what to ask. This is what i saw and this is what i thus report!!!