Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Open Letter To The Indian Male

Dear Indian Male,
The focus of the nation is on Delhi yet again for all the bad reasons. The Indian capital city is turning out to be something of a control group where all the problems of the rest of the nation are visible magnified multiple folds. If we choose to ignore these issues, we choose to subscribe to a slow death of society as we would like it to be. Rape is the manifestation of a bigger problem that India is plagued by. Rape is a symptom of much deeper worries.
There are no quick fix to stop such crimes. Capital punishment would be like giving pain killers to cure cancer! We need to understand why some of us, who have all sucked on our mother's breasts and embraced our sisters in our arms, suddenly become so hostile towards other women from our society? Why does a man rape? By the way, rape is nothing new! Ask any refugee surviving a war, the soldier who is perhaps the most respected citizen of any Nation turns into a barbaric demon when he enters alien lands - stories of soldiers raping women of the conquered nations are all true. The Christian crusaders raped the captured women in the name of Jesus, the Islamic conquerers raped the women of the nations they raised to the ground, the imperialist French, British all raped to establish authority.
The problem is that we men consider our female counterparts as our property. We wish to control their lives in whichever way we can. When we treat our own women as our property, we establish a similar kind of behavior towards women who we do not directly control.
The solution to bring about a change is not to kill a few rapist and wait for more to come up so that we can kill more. The solution is not to hide 'your' women behind curtains and doors. The solution is not simple and to a few may be counter intuitive.
Give your sister the freedom to go to clubs late at night, the freedom to choose who to date, the freedom to drink and smoke if she wants to (just like you!), the freedom to wear whatever she wants to make her look beautiful in her own eyes. Give her the freedom to question your judgement about the girl/guy you are dating, the freedom to ask your dad to learn to cook because your mother is getting old. Most importantly, try to realize that you are no one to 'give' her freedom, it is hers. She earned it by virtue of her birth just the way you did.
The problem of rape will not get solved by trying to establish a society where talking about sex is prohibited. Sex can be talked about in good health too, it is not always something that the society should mark as a taboo subject. The problem is of inequality!
Every human being, irrespective of his or her gender or sexual identity is equal, treat them with respect. You are not a superior person because you have the capability to impregnate a girl. In all probability, she is a superior being because she can create another human being!
If one is looking for quick fix measures to solve this problem, here are a few things that need to be lawfully imposed with a heavy hand - 
  1. Stop the custom of dowry! Make stronger laws, launch campaigns, do whatever it takes!
  2. Stop female infanticides! Make much stronger laws, punish doctors who facilitate such crimes!
  3. Stop discrimination in the wages, treatment and employment of daily-wage workers based on sex. Make sure that a female laborer gets paid as much as her male counterpart!
  4. Discorage poor and uneducated families to have a huge number of children just to have a male child - A person who believes in "Who will carry the name of my family forward?" ideology is as responsible for rape as the demons walking the streets of our capital city!
  5. Instruct the police and other law enforcement agencies of all the cities to curb petty crimes. A police department that forces a city to shut down at 11:00 PM on the pretext that the city can become unsafe for women at night needs to be questioned about their responsibility and ability to provide security to us.
  6. Eve-teasing and other such 'small' offenses must be dealt with severely. People should know that it is NOT ok to pass sexual remarks in public.
  7. Establishments like "Khaap panchayats" should be declared illegal and people trying to establish such bodies must be put behind bars (a. In one rape case the Khaap panchayat punished the rapist by asking him to marry the girl he raped! b. In another rape case the Khaap instructed the husband of the victim to rape the wife of the culprit!)
  9. Start talking about safe sex to your kids! Let them know that it is natural to have an urge to have sex with the person they like but they must act like responsible human beings.
  10. Even if you go with an arranged marriage take into account the opinion of both the girl and the guy. She is not cattle!
Again, rape is because there is inequality! Whenever there would be inequality there would be a section of society that would suffer. Inequality based on sex/gender is not just stupid, it is down right evil.


VJ said...


You ve hit the nail on the head. The reason for rape is indeed beyond all the things that courts, lawyers and the law talk about. It is about how much our men are inclined towards humiliating our women and venting out their hatred.

Crime does not come in different sizes. Punishments too need not.

Anonymous said...

The change should come from the parents unfortunately. i once heard my cousin brother telling he has to do an MBA since 'even girls' have a BE nowadays and guess what? my aunt( his mother ) seemed to find that a valid argument. when i told them that he was being sexist, they all looked at me as though i was the idiot. The point is, unless and until the parents, in their hearts, become more gender-agnostic in matters of rights, and educate their children likewise, rapes and victim-blaming will continue.

p.s : becoming less religious will definitely help!

Devarun Bhattacharya said...

Awesome...All the points are valid :)

manu joshi said...

I want to add 1 more point which Kiran Bedi mentioned yesterday on headlines today and that is there should be orientation sessions for the policemen ,twice every year just to remind them that they are the protectors of the society.Almost 80% of the constables and sub inspectors are the boys who have been eve-teasers themselves their upbringing(in a male dominated society)is the reason.There was an STF Officer I know, being on vigilantssi duty on new years eve,commented,"I'm out here to stop something that I've been doing past couple of years." Personally speaking I am a confident woman who never hesitates in pushing away men trying to get close in public transport .I've even screamed at indecency occurring to other women around me.But who I am really scared of are those in 'Khaki'uniforms.They seem to have full authority and control on the lives of the commoners!They can scrutinize any dating couple and generously thrash them!Purge any household! Once I was on an auto-rickshaw when a cop ,slapped the driver without any reason,made the passengers get down most abusively,passed dirty looks and comments to the women!None dared to say a word!Are such men going to save,assist or protect our daughters?LETS accept the fact that Indian Society will not change its mentality for the coming 50 years or more.So why not teach our daughters to follow the custom we've been following since time immemorial "don't go out at lonely places, never, at odd hours".Why to tempt a perverted mind?

Vinay Kumar said...

agreed we have to eradicate inequality and create a system for a better aftermath for the victims

Ruchira said...

Nice to see that CnC is back.. Wished at various times/events that an apt post should awaken conscience of people/to make them think about a subject with different outlook... Please do keep writing and keep the blog alive...


GIRDA said...

Nothing powerful than awakening of our morals.Morality is not to teach not to talk but to act.Can we ? This will change the society.Every teaching course must contain such syllabus .Such sessions in each training process should be added .For the first time for politicians of our country.Act should be passed alike untouchability act.

With Regards to JANANI SHAKTI.


CubeFad said...

You are misinterpreted about religion...Infact being religious Is the only way to reduce such crimes ...Just you need to Know the Real religion...Not the Adultrated!!!

CubeFad said...

The incapability of Understanding The Duties and rights of both Men and women is due to the False concept of Equality...Male dominated Society doesn't mean ki they should manipulate ...the correct meaning of male domination is using their ego to protect their sisters mother etc...And Women have their Duties which are equally important...those are Managing the money earned by Husband and use it Accordingly,cooking,giving values to children ...And now what we can see ...Both are going out to earn And there is no one to give values ...
A mother can give best values to her child ...we can see it was Rajmata jijabai who taught Values to Chatrapati Shivaji maharaj ...If She was doing job ..then We would not get such a legend !!!
The reason for todays so much violence...is Just Focusing on Rights rights rights and only rights ...the moment we start a revolution for duties...Things will reverse and get back to normal!!..You can read my blog "Rape ...whose fault?" @sanketsnet.wordpress.com